Center of the Universe

Lemonade

 

You know, I sometimes think, how is anyone ever gonna come up with a book, or a painting, or a symphony, or a sculpture that can compete with a great city. You can’t. Because you look around and every street, every boulevard, is its own special art form and when you think that in the cold, violent, meaningless universe that Paris exists, these lights, I mean come on, there’s nothing happening on Jupiter or Neptune, but from way out in space you can see these lights, the cafes, people drinking and singing. For all we know, Paris is the hottest spot in the universe. 

 

伍迪艾伦对巴黎最高的礼赞,陈述于街道,灯,咖啡厅和寻欢的人儿。然无他。内部的微感,你看城市与宏大叙事毫无关联。切换视角脱离城市本体,却将其置于书本,绘画,交响乐,雕塑之上,成为宇宙中最热烈的一小点儿。无奈的很,我去不了猪皮特也去不了马斯,无能在那里和你争论是巴黎更温暖还是东京更繁华,大概那时城市们看起来都是小点儿,区别只在于看的到和看不到。于是我猫在城市的内核里,默默的,坐井的,把这安静的喧闹的什么都在发生什么都没有发生的容器,自作主张的占地为王的称作了宇宙的中心。

纽约的冬天真冷呐。

 

我在宇宙中心的城市日复一日的行走。哈林,上西区,切尔西,SOHONOHO,格林威治,布鲁克林。一成不变的风景,相差无几的情绪。切尔西从19街到28街有大大小小百多间画廊,胖子的胖瓜子到沃克伊万的宝丽来。哪怕当时在繁复波澜的心体,回想只觉得观赏了一场安迪沃霍尔的帝国大厦。Temporal Fetishization. 目不转睛仿佛沉溺。而再深情的专注,撑不过10秒钟须要眨眼。创作人的心意,不过是让观众熟悉自身。

Empire State Building

 

 

虽然觉得,自身是最难解的题。

理论上,因为思想在身内,自身将永远为迷。就像人类永远参不透时间进程的计划的局限性。而你却不得不摆出探索的姿态,被相信这尝试能够使自己变成更好的人,却不小心植入了西绪福斯的典故。你要的升华总是有的,改变总是有的。可是那然后呢。安迪沃霍尔是最聪明的人因为他无聊的画了 阴影。时间一帧一帧过,窗外的景物永远定格着,虽然有时候红了,有时候黑了,有时候黄了,有时候绿了,吵吵闹闹眼花缭乱。像看穿了蹩脚魔术师的把戏窃喜,感慨换汤不换药,机械性无意义。他却开玩笑一样严肃的手工完成了每一帧作品,嘲讽的丢出了the irreproducibility of its assumed reproduction的概念。你红了你蓝了你形状都没变,只是今天的你不再是昨天的自己。

 

我又像看穿了蹩脚魔术师的把戏一样窃喜了。直到局限性跳起来死死拥抱我。

于是把宇宙安放在思想里,把思想安放在身体里,把身体安放在宇宙中心里。睡觉上课跳舞吃饭压马路找基友搅基。

这样我就是宇宙了诶。

这样你和你和你就在宇宙的中心里。

 

穿行纽约

全是妖怪。

 

 

t = Tic

DO COMPUTER SCIENCE HOMEWORK

toc

write Misland Post

 

 

总是给自己设期限.作业心情爱好工作人.

学期开始的时候,想玩一个学年的时间,各种各样的趴体,混乱的人和吻,学期还没结束,就厌倦了.开始学习.

一个礼拜前默想,给你一包烟的时间.在华氏40度午夜楼下最后一根烟点燃的前30秒,人字拖中裤cabbie快烧完的半根烟,你站在面前张开手臂于是有了第一个拥抱.

最近期限是,等我窗口你最喜欢的树最后一片叶子掉下.再要一个惊喜.

 

背诵诗句.重新开始学习芭蕾和意大利文.

断绝没有意义的人事.

其实我一点都不想工作.

繁重工作让姑娘丑陋.

 

 

Quotes from F’s Wall

Read no newspapers, try to find a few friends who think as you do, read the wonderful writers of earlier times, Kant, Goethe, Lessing, and the classics of other lands, and enjoy the natural beauties of Munich’s surroundings. Make believe all the time that you are living, so to speak, on Mars among alien creatures and blot out any deeper interest in the actions of those creatures. Make friends with a few animals. Then you will become a cheerful man once more and nothing will be able to trouble you.Bear in mind that those who are finer and nobler are always alone — and necessarily so — and that because of this they can enjoy the purity of their own atmosphere. I shake your hand in heartfelt comradeship, E.

 

Albert Einstein

Debate on Meaninglessness

Maury: And I shall go on shining as a brilliantly meaningless figure in a meaningless world. 

Dick: Art isn’t meaningless. 

Maury: It is in itself. If isn’t in that it tries to make life less so. 

Anthony: In other words, Dick, you’re playing before a grand stand peopled with ghosts.

Maury: Give a good show anyway.

 

SORRY I CANT DO THIS.

 

 

 

If we were in a relationship I would become a weird scary version of myself. My throat starts constricting. The walls start throbbing. It’s like a peanut allergy, like an emotional peanut allergy.

 

 

“Suddenly, all at once, she knows, knows that he doesn’t understand her, that he never will, that he lacks the power to understand such perverseness. And that he can never move fast enough to catch her.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Manhattan

Thing’s happening. No time for recording. 

Find x

I wrote this essay in 15 minutes in response to the Chicago University’s application supplementary essay question.  I didn’t apply in the end (I was lucky and got into my ED school) so this article dwelt in some corner of my HDD. Re-read it today I find it messy, but there are smart ideas which should be better polished and connected.

Here it goes.

==================================



There must be some neat quality to the system. Language, numbers, locations, Cartesian’s coordinates, Newton’s Three Law of motions, virtues, government laws, metaphysical forces, as pillars of the technology, society and humanity. Each person has his position in the assembly line of functioning of today’s world, his role distributed and defined. Deviance within certain a range is allowed while blatant outliers shall be eliminated.

These are clues to find x, the position of any unit within the system. But can we find x if the system is gone?

I always hear the sound of the systems shattering, twisting, and collapsing. When Einstein’s theory of relativity was first published, it revolutionized people’s views about time ever after. Time is relative. People were so scared – if time can’t be trusted, what else can we trust?

Scientists and mathematics are so eagerly to discover the order of this world, yet the deeper they delve into, the more uncertainties and fractures they find. Schrödinger equation shows that particle can jump across impossible (as we used to think) energy barriers. In quantum physics, everything is just a probability. The order of the world we so much depend on is overthrown. Can we find the object x if its mass is converted into energy and time and length are distorted? Can we locate the position x of an electron between two energy layers? What if all my parents and friends one day are teletransported into another parallel universe, can I find the way to find them?

If we were sent to the beginning of the world where “the earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep”, where all the systems were no longer present, could we find anything? Would we know what we were about to find?

The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking… the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind.

-        Einstein

In the heart of mankind. We know we want to find some x. The impulse drives us on. It is how man finds things he seek from the primitive chaos on our blue planet. It is the consistent thinking and exploring, even when he did not know what exactly is to be found and where to find it. From where there was no law, no number, and no language, man bricks after bricks construct into today’s civilization, having found what they once wanted to find, and on the way to find the next x they want to know. Systems and beliefs collapse and reemerge, driving the never-ceased cycle of humanity. A miracle, a myth of x. About to be found.

自我炒作的25个想法

1.肉食野生动物。家养小花喵。以及若干中间态。

2.学什么科目都可以。巴赫的旋律重组闪耀逻辑的光辉。细探历史和显微镜下看分子都是分离事件揪关联然后再看大局面。编写法典和建造飞机也就是异汤同药。我倾心的世界的美,并不受学科的分割。

3.喜欢听故事。还有月光下动人的谎言。

4.需要犹豫的事情通常不会做。着手的事都是直觉想去做。和冲动无关。于是效率异常,乐在其中。

5.积极乐观。热爱自由但不到热爱变成另一种束缚的程度。

6.从来不带伞。相信如果有上帝的话,他一定在雨里。喜欢晒太阳。

7.海边总是让人心情愉快。厌恶看似没有尽头的冬天。

8.对一切冠冕堂皇的人事心存怀疑。为发掘聪明的衣冠禽兽而惊喜。

9.有些事情,工作地位是生活层面的。另外一些是生命层面的,比如爱和旅行。缺了哪一层,都不是一个好披萨。

10.对挑战传统和挑战自我无感。不如挑战一些有形的事物。翻个山跳个水有更实在的成就感。

11.我想上学。-..-

12.为什么有人会愿意一生压抑自己的欲望只为换一张不知道入口在哪儿的天堂入场券。

13.喜欢吃。不怕胖。喜欢晚上出去晃荡。

14.最近一直在长长短短断断续续的旅行。身边的东西会破会丢会带不下。做完了减法,赖以生存的东西那么少。要养活自己很容易,要喂饱自己的欲望很难。

15.可是还是喜欢买衣服包鞋。物欲横流哈哈哈。

16.我会蜕变我会化身我是外星人。蝴蝶毛虫变化太多都是我。你爱的是哪一个。

17.没养过动物。觉得有规律的喂饱自己很有难度。大学打算定期去孤儿院志愿照顾小孩儿。

18.喜欢我涵的自我炒作,虽然他是个Stripper。

19.有没事就爱抖机灵的恶习。想起来很羞愧。

20.懒得辩论。前来输出价值观的人叫不醒装睡的我。

21.被动。经常被了也不动。

22.对未来没有规划且并不以此为耻。想在大学里尝试之前从未涉略的课程和活动。

23.觉得别人意气风发的与我谈论他的理想,是件特别性感的事儿。

24.跳舞要跳到Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow的境界。

25.不常表达但是真切的爱在身边和不在身边的每一个朋友。朋友真诚的对我好会感到无所适从于是表现的理所当然。却都放在心里。

好纪念

世界


要知道在某种程度上你已经死去

——博尔赫斯《致我的读者》结句


你想离开?
我想出去看看世界。
世界很乱。你若只住在我心里,便只有静谧和美好。
外面很乱么?
天灾与人祸,生离与死别,血与泪,哀与伤。
就像新闻里描述的那样?就像录像里海地殷红废墟里微弱羼动的手?
还有墨西哥海湾被泄漏的黑色石油包裹的海鸟,他们将无法再飞翔。
有人冲进学校屠杀儿童?
屡次。
诗里写的不一样。诗说,面朝大海,春暖花开。
诗人已死。火车一节一节碾走,梦想一段一段折裂。
如果我留在这里与你在一起,世界的阴影将离我很远对吗?
你会永远单纯而幸福。而我永远爱你。
如果我执意去遥远的地方,你也依然爱我么?记得我曾经偷偷跑去另一个村庄,传说中吃人的村庄。那里真是美轮美奂。太阳挂在天的正中央,火辣辣的烫。我赤脚踩在草地里,草高到我的腰间。我觉得我就要被他们吞噬了。可是他们这么绿,一点也不可怕。他们跟我心里的兴奋一起疯长,长到树那么高,长到太阳那么高。后来溜回来发现衣服破损,腿上细密伤疤。可是感觉依然像太阳一样明朗。这种力量一直盘旋在体内,直到现在依然绕梁。我想再出去,去看大千世界… …可是现在他们看上去糟透了的样子。
不要怕。
有时候我幻想自己是一只鸟,沿时间轴飞翔,羽翼略过每一片创痍,再化腐朽为神奇。而事实上,我把翅膀脱卸下来,握在自己的手里,却也没有气力握紧。我感受到羽毛的脱落,随时间愈发稀薄。惶惶如我,像是不惑之年的男人,唯恐某天清早醒来头顶便毫发无存了。在这样安宁的生活里我时刻为中年危机提心吊胆。
不要怕。羽翼在飞翔中丰盈。
我想我需要光亮,沁人心脾深入灵魂的。
光在远方。
我可以么?
只要心中有爱,脚下有风。
心中有爱,若是所见之处皆缺爱,也是会枯竭的罢。待我归来,怕拖行神情耗尽之后的干涸肉身。
不会。不会。爱隐匿在每一处绝望里,光亮在每一绺黑暗后。你看太阳照常升起海面依然碧波微漾。破败房屋前母亲怀抱里新生婴儿熟睡依然甜香。去吧。去让那些隐匿的爱无处遁形。扯碎黑暗,让那些光跳出来,跳到树那么高,跳到太阳那么高,跳到宇宙那么高。
希望我足够勇敢和坚强。
去吧。去吧。我将赠与我所有的爱与美与你同往。我将给予你源源不断的勇气和希望。去吧。去吧。去世界的畸形和丑陋里,去塑造,以你所有美之曼妙梦之欣喜。去世界的苦难和离别里,去重建,以你所有生之雀跃爱之欢愉。待你归来,呈现我你所有经历的一切,丰满羽翼,智慧心灵,同你对世界的爱恋。而我永远爱你。